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Two Funerals…..

Two Saturdays. Two Funerals.
The first, a 70 yr old grandfather. Father of three, grandfather of five. A heart attack took him. No warning, no symptoms, no fair. The tears, the pain, the shock, the anger, the loss, the fear, the emptiness, the void, the pain. All coming back again. I fought the tears, dealt with the pain, nothing can replace the void, and I just felt numb.
The second Saturday, a 23 yr old. Barely a man, I’m sure just finding his stride. A heart attack took him also. The insanity that someone so young could be taken so early by a heart attack. The pain, the tears, the shock, the anger, the loss, the emptiness, the alone, the unfairness, the insanity, the pain. Numb. Awe.
Life goes on. It really does. It’s not fair.
You don’t get to write this ending.
It never gets any easier, no matter how many times you go through it.
It’s not easier just because it’s not your family.
It’s not fair. And it will always be that way.

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Civil War of 2016…..

I need to find the words.
I cannot find the words.
I must find some words.
To express the hatred, the anger, the fear, the confusion, the empathy, the sympathy, the anguish, the heartbreak, the rage, the inevitable oncoming future.
This is not just about us vs them. This is about specifically targeting a people. People. We are all people.
I cried. When I saw that poor son begging for his father back, I cried. When I heard that poor baby girl’s voice, just asking for her mommy, I cried. Is there no humanity anymore? The parents, the children, the families, the friends, the reality of it all. The revenge.
There is a war brewing, America, inside of you. A Civil War.
Statistics will show. History will show. The violence is not new. The cameras are new. There are the excuses, the skittles, the routine traffic stops, the broken tail lights, oh please.
It’s sort of what’s been depicted in movies, but it is happening slower because we are right here in the moment. Time slows down.
So now that we are all aware, what now?
You have an America that let a rapist swimmer off the hook, and multiple bullets going into people who have no self defense.
You have an America that is fearful of Arms, but if Arms are what it is going to take to settle the score, to have voices heard, to have actions taken, I fear that is what it must come to. Civil War.
You have an America going into a Presidential Election, and neither of the front two candidates can solve what’s tearing this country into pieces.
There is a greater war internally in the US than there is against terrorism. Real Terrorism. And the casualties are mostly unarmed.
You have an America that is openly fearful of a black vs white all out war, and yet, it is part of America’s history, repeating itself. I can’t stop thinking, “They are going to fight back.” “They are going to shoot back.” “Someone, somewhere, sometime is going to set off a course of events that will not be reversible by any means.”
You have an America that can’t even begin to tackle the issue of LGBT because it is mired in a race war that they should so be over with, but for some reason cannot get past it’s past.
I want them to shoot back, I want them to set off a course of events that will not be reversible by any means. Not for the fighting fire with fire, and not for the violence, but for the sake of them feeling the same pain, the same loss, the same anger, the same threatened fearfulness, the same insecurity, the same anguish, the same. I want to see what happens when the tables turn, and then maybe, just maybe we can see some real resolve, some real action, some real legitimate solutions. Like punishing police officers who take the law into their own hands and become judge, jury, and executioners in a matter of seconds. Innocent until proven guilty, nice try. Like publicly shaming police officers who abuse their power and hide behind their badges when they have their knee on the back of someone’s neck who has their hands cuffed, and cannot breathe. Like why are we putting police officers into the field who are clearly not mentally nor physically ready to handle and manage seemingly routine checks and stops? There is a war brewing. Clearly. Civil War.

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A Song For the Dearly Departed…..

What becomes of the broken hearted?
Who has love that’s now departed
I know I’ve got to find
Some kind of peace of mind, baby.

I believe that children are our future,
Teach them well and let them lead the way.

Let it go, let it go, can’t hold it back anymore.

Don’t turn around.

I’m looking for attention, Not another question.
Should you stay or should you go?
Well, if you don’t have the answer,
Why are you still standin’ here?
Hey, hey, hey, hey
Just walk away.

If you don’t know me by now,
You will never never never know me.
No you won’t.